Man up!

Dating is difficult. It is one of the most difficult things that we have to go through as teens and then as adults; and it just seems to get more difficult as time passes. Dating is just a euphamism for a prolonged interview process, and if you manage to get the "job", then it is up to you to decide if it is one that you really want for the rest of your life. The days of puppy love and crushes that consume your thoughts become replaced with considerations about whether or not the man sitting across from you will make a good provider, or a good parent; a partner in all of life's ups and downs and will stand beside you, regardless of what life throws at you. If the man staring back at you is considering the same things, and if not, what his motives are. As women, embarking on our 30s, we have been brainwashed by the media into thinking that we need to settle for someone who is willing to commit; that we need to follow the predetermined guidelines set for us by pop culture: 1) Meet-cute (2) First date: where you talk about all of the fluffy stuff that doesn't matter (3) Second date: where the woman has to prove that she is worthy of the man - she tries to prove her worthiness to the man by cooking for him, or dressing up for him, trying to fit the image that she thinks he wants (4) And finally, the third date and the expectation of sex. If a woman is unwilling to "put out", so to speak, then she runs the risk of never seeing the man again, or, in my opinion, worse, having sex with the man to meet his expectations and then, never hearing from him again.
It is no secret that I am incredibly unlucky in love. I have had a series of terrible relationships that have all ended the same way - with me in tears and the guy looking for someone better.
Yes, I have some issues. Yes, I have been through a lot in my 30 years on earth. Yes, I am not the perfect picture of health - I have been dealt a bad hand. But! I am NOT damaged goods, I am someone who beats the odds and won't let anything, not even poor health, stand in the way of doing what I want to do. I am not a victim of my circumstances, but rather a survivor. I have taken my life experience, both good and bad, and used them to connect to other people. I give everything I have to make the world a better place and to help those who can't help themselves. I will be the first to admit that I am flawed, but I try so hard to be a better person everyday and to treat people the way that I want to be treated.
Yes, I have bad days - but, I have more good days than bad days, and if I am confined to a 3 date maximum to decide my future with a man, I am unable to do that. For those men in my past who have called me "impossible to love" or "damaged goods", I feel very sorry for you; I feel terrible that you can't see past the couple of bad days that I might have and enjoy the good days with me. I do not want or need a caregiver, or for someone to support me while I sit around and do nothing. I work hard, I fight hard, I love hard, and I feel hard. I am strong and independent, I am beautiful - both inside and out, and I promise you, you wont do any better than me. The man who finally manages to meet my standards and who will support me the way that I support him, will be incredibly lucky.
It may have taken me 30 years, thousands of tears, and a string of failed relationships to realize that I deserve better. I will hold out for better. I will not confine myself to 3 dates, I will not buy in to the stereotype, I refuse to apologize for who I am because I think that I am pretty great, and I don't think it is too much to ask for a man who sees the beauty in me and who is willing to take me for who I am: the good, the bad, AND the ugly. No one is flawless. No one is perfect. All I can ask is for a man who will try as hard as I do.
So, in closing, regardless of your age, find someone who will love you because of your flaws and quirks and not just accept you in spite of them - believe me, you deserve better.
*Over & Out*
V