Unfortunately.... it was paradise

Ok ... so I ripped off the title of this post from a book I am reading. But I think that it applies. I watched Malcome X tonight and was abbashed by the lack of causes that I feel an urge to fight for. I have no women's lib movement to join. I have no civil rights war to wage. And, unfortunately, my rationality and common sense prohibit me from gaining allegiance on any side of the war front. It feels as though every cause I feel strongly for has already passed. I feel a nostalgia for a time I was never a part of and a longing to feel part of something I could never have participated in. It seems as if what makes our generation different from others is that there is an overwhelming sense of loss accentuated with an overwhelming sense of urgency. It feels as though we are rushing towards the unknown because it is better than the pit of apathy and boredom that encompasses the now. None of my ideas on this topic are original; I am simply restating facts and theories compiled from Anthro text books and sociology readers. However, tonight was the first time I ever really felt apart of it. I became a statistic in front of my eyes. It is, after all, the fight for something larger that has kept the human race going for the last two millenia. But sitting in my big living room, on my padded leather couch, watching my DVD on my tv .... I felt so far removed from all of the other trauma in the world. Isolated and oblique. There are so many causes in the world to fight for, but they all seem somewhat detached from the here and now. How can genocide be occurring half way across the world? It isnt something that pervades our everyday life. It does not surround and swallow my senses at every turn. It is not a burning scar on the soul that needs to be extinguished. It just is what it is. I want to change that. I want to change the world. I want it to be paradise. But, ahh .... there's the rub. If it is the fight that propells humanity ... what do we do when there is not fight left in us? What do we do when there is nothing left to fight? Simple. We create more distractions ... more pain ... more suffering. Unfortunately ... paradise doesnt exist.
~V